EveryStep

At a glance Read the available literature on talking to children about cancer. Have a plan on what you want and need to say. Make a physical or mental note of the facts and stick to them. Don’t speculate or rely on statistics. Prepare people gently – have family and friends sit down and tell … Read more

At a glance Ask how long each of the treatments will take, assuming no delays. How will it be administered? How often will it need to be administered? Ask what side effects are expected. Ask if there are any side effects that you should be particularly aware of – such as life threatening. Ask what … Read more

At a glance No two people’s chemotherapy is the same. How will it be administered? How often will it need to be administered? Ask how long each of the treatments take, assuming no delays. Ask what side effects are expected. Ask if there are any side effects that you should be particularly aware of – … Read more

At a glance Ask how long the surgery will take. Ask what risks there are. Ask how much of the breast is going to be removed. Consider and ask if it is pertinent to remove both breasts. Find out how long the hospital stay is likely to be. Establish where the surgery will take place. … Read more

This chapter provides the lists of things you are going to need for the various appointments and visits you and your partner are going to have during the different treatments as well as things that will be useful to have at home. I’ve not included medication in any of the lists so bear in mind … Read more

At a glance Ask what treatments are needed/recommended. Ask what side effects are expected. Ask if there are there any side effects that you should be particularly aware of – such as life threatening. Ask what should to do if you experience side effects. Ask what you can do to improve outcome. Ask how you … Read more

At a glance When your partner has these tests and which she has depends on her cancer and the treatments she is having. Different tests will be performed before, during and after treatments. The tests aim to do things like find any spread of disease, track treatment progress and ensure the treatment isn’t doing more … Read more

At a glance You’re going to have a lot of appointments – keep relevant people (family, friends and colleagues) up to date. Have a shared calendar (we used Google Calendar) and use it – even if they give you written appointment cards. Keep a list of running questions to ask at appointments (we used Google … Read more

At a glance Gather as much information as you can – get copies of everything. Don’t worry if you don’t understand it straight away – you can digest it later. Don’t be afraid to ask questions but also don’t panic if you think of something later. Make a note of any questions and keep a … Read more

At a glance Have coping strategies in place. Don’t think about ‘what ifs’ – keep your mind in the present. Deal with one thing at a time. Prioritise what’s directly in front of you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I’ve put this as a separate special chapter because I think it’s an extremely … Read more

It took me a while to get my head round the grades and stages – largely because we were met by a wave of information and it simply took a long time for it to sink in. It will help you zero in on what’s happening to your partner if you know what grade and … Read more

At a glance Gather as much information as you can – get copies of everything. Don’t worry if you don’t understand it straight away – you can digest it later. Don’t be afraid to ask questions but also don’t panic if you think of something later. Make a note of any questions and keep a … Read more

At a glance How long will each of the treatments take, assuming no delays? What is the target area? How often will it need to be administered? Ask what side effects are expected. Ask if there are any side effects that you should be particularly aware of – such as life altering. Ask what to … Read more

At a glance Give your partner as much time as she needs. Give yourself as much time as you need. Find other outlets if you’re frustrated – eg masturbation. Be aware that your partner’s pleasure centres may have changed. Be aware that your partner’s physical appearance may have changed Try new things. Be gentle with … Read more

“Make sure you look after yourself.” ~My mum “You can’t look after Jen if you don’t look after yourself.” ~Also my mum. “Stay Strong.” ~ Everyone else. You’ll hear and see ‘stay strong’ the most because it’s quick and easy to say and write in cards with little to no effort required by the person … Read more

Jen’s tumour was not well formed, smooth, defined or uniform enough – it was mixed with cyst-like tissue – so she wasn’t eligible for any clinical trials running at the time. However, we did meet and speak to patients who were having trials while we were at the chemotherapy clinic having our treatment. I hesitated … Read more

At a glance Which hormone(s) will be used? How long will each of the treatments take, assuming no delays? How will it be administered? How often will it need to be administered? Ask what side effects are expected. Ask if there are any side effects that you should be particularly aware of – such as … Read more