At a glance
- You’re going to have a lot of appointments – keep relevant people (family, friends and colleagues) up to date.
- Have a shared calendar (we used Google Calendar) and use it – even if they give you written appointment cards.
- Keep a list of running questions to ask at appointments (we used Google Keep).
- Anything you’re not sure about: ASK.
As I mentioned earlier, straight after getting the news, while we were still numb, I swore to myself and to Jen that I would be with her every step of the way. While I didn’t attend every single appointment, I did attend almost all of them. A conservative guess would be around 90 percent of them. Even the small ones. I wasn’t able to attend every radiotherapy treatment (I went to three of the total 15) and I wasn’t able to attend the Macmillan ‘Look Good, Feel Good’ session because men weren’t allowed. My family stepped in to do the radiotherapy runs and my Mum went to the Macmillan session.
Your circumstances may be that you can’t (or don’t want to) do that. And that’s fine. Everyone’s different and everyone’s circumstances are different.
Suffice to say, your partner is going to have a lot of appointments. I’m not just talking about the treatments, but also things like consults, pre-treatment checks, scans, counselling, support, dressing changes, follow ups and so forth.
Whether you’re with your partner for all of them or not, you can and should still play a major part in helping prepare for them both physically (supplies, kit and so forth), mentally (lists, reminders, moral support) and emotionally, giving them time and space to rant or just talk about what they’ve been through, what they’re going through, or just giving them a shoulder to cry on and a gentle hug.
This is where software comes into its own. Particularly a calendar app. You’ll need to be rigid and regimented when it comes to keeping it up to date with appointments but it will help immensely if you do.
Expect lots of people at different stages of the cancer journey, expect shitty hospital parking and expect delays both for consultations as well as treatment. You need to keep in mind that people in front of you have battles similar to your own to fight, have a plethora of unfamiliar issues that need addressing and thus cannot be time boxed in the same way as, say, a regular doctor’s appointment.
Due to the regularity and number of hospital appointments, costs for parking are usually subsidised or free. Parking was free for us, but I don’t know if that’s the case for all hospital trusts so it’s worth asking. It could literally save you hundreds of pounds. Check before treatment starts as I think it’s highly unlikely they’ll allow for back-dated claims.
Appointment types you are likely to be attending:
Consultation
Oncology
Breast care
Surgical
GP visit
New patient orientation
Surgical
Mastectomy
Lumpectomy
Reconstruction
Follow up reconstruction
Dressing change
Drain removal
Treatment
Chemotherapy (including Clinical Trial therapy)
Hormone Therapy
Targeted Therapy
Radiotherapy
Physiotherapy
Occupational Therapy
Counselling
Emergency hospital admission
Tests
Blood test
Mammogram
Ultrasound
Biopsy
CT Scan
Bone Scan
Heart Valve Scan
X-ray